Hiding In His Dreams Read online

  He has it all, Luke thought. Mike has everything I could want.

  “You know what you should totally do?” Mike asked. “Write her poetry.”

  “Poetry?” Luke made a face. “That’s really not me.”

  “Hey, that’s what I did for Bernadette. That’s how she fell for me.” Mike paused, looking hesitant. “You don’t want to end up like Gordie,” Mike finally said.

  Gordie was 26 too, but he was already a Junior Manager, one rank above them, and earning a base salary at the next level on the scale.

  Luke saw Gordie here at all hours of the day. Rumor had it that he slept, showered, and basically lived at the office. With no personal life, Gordie could afford to do that.

  “No,” Luke said, shaking his head. “No, I don’t. I just want to meet a nice girl and fall in love.”

  “I know you do,” he said, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I know you do.”

  * * * * *

  That evening, Luke sat at the kitchen table of his apartment, hovering over a plate of roast chicken and vegetables. It was a small table, but since he was the only one dining, it felt enormous to him. In the background, he could hear an anchor on CTV NewsNet droning on about some foreign war.

  He dawdled over his meal, picking apart the pieces of chicken. When he realized that his chicken resembled mushy baby food, he gave up on eating, and wandered over to the window.

  The wind howled as the rain slapped the glass, pelting against it as though it were bullets from a BB gun. From the tenth floor, he could see the Alex Fraser Bridge in the distance. The tall structure stood by itself in the freezing night, withstanding the wet onslaught from above. To Luke, the lone bridge looked forlorn. It was the only visible structure he could see in the dreary weather.

  As he stared out the window, he felt an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, as though he had eaten too much. But that was impossible. He had eaten almost nothing.

  Clutching his stomach, he sat down on his couch. It was not a pain, but a dull ache. Something felt wrong, but he could not put his finger on it. It was the feeling of not knowing that he had his shirt on inside out.

  He looked around his living room. It was so bare. No paintings, just grey walls. The apartment was so empty. He needed to fill it with something.

  On the coffee table, the laptop blinked on. He glanced at the screen. Ten digits stared back at him.

  Should I call her? He thought. Would she turn me down? But why would she give me her number just to turn me down?

  His hand trembling just a little, he picked up the phone, and dialed her number, punching each number meticulously, as if he were choosing lottery numbers.

  It rang once.

  Twice.

  Three times.

  He was about to hang up when a soft voice said, “Hello?”

  He was silent.

  “Hello?” the voice asked again.

  He finally spoke. “Hi Alyssa. It’s me. Luke.” His voice sounded off to him, as though he were a nervous teen again, asking out a gorgeous girl for the first time.

  “You missed me already?” she asked, a hint of teasing in her voice.

  * * * * *

  The next day, Luke stood on the hill at Taylor Park, with a single red rose in his hand. He was dressed in a casual blue dress shirt with the first few buttons left unbuttoned and a pair of jeans.

  It was 6pm and already, the Autumn sky was darkening. He watched as the grapefruit red seeped into the marshmallow clouds.

  He glanced at his watch. Was she coming? She said she would.

  Then, he heard the slam of a car door. He turned toward the parking lot, and there she was. Alyssa was a vision in a purple cardigan, and casual jeans. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail that swung back and forth as she walked up the hill toward him.

  Luke’s palms began to get sweaty as he watched her. There was a strange, inexplicable feeling in his chest.

  She approached and extended her arms.

  Luke leaned in to hug her, and kissed her on the cheek. He inhaled. She smelled like vanilla this time.

  “This is for you.” He gave her the rose, and watched as her face became even more expressive.

  “Awww. No boy has ever given me a rose before.”

  “Not even Duane?”

  “Nah, he stopped bothering me since that night in the café.” She looked closely at him. “I was hoping you’d call. What took you so long?”

  “Work got really busy.”

  “Work? Is that all you do?” She was grinning.

  “Pretty much.” Luke’s face was neutral.

  Quickly, he changed the subject. “So what do you think of Taylor Park?”

  She pointed at the horizon. “Are those the Tri-Cities?”

  He nodded. Twinkling lights were sprawled out in front of them. Out in the open space and Fall freshness, he was relaxed, almost hypnotized.

  She stared in the distance for a while. “It’s beautiful.”

  They circled around the park, and then sat down on a bench, under a cherry blossom tree. Luke looked up and noticed that the flowers were a pale pink, bordering on white.

  The light wind blew, and the ground was suddenly decorated with little white and pink flowers.

  A single cherry blossom floated down, landing on Alyssa’s head. She reached up and plucked it off, her eyes wide, the corners of her mouth tugged up.

  “I thought cherry blossoms only grew in Japan.” She stroked the blossom in her hand, holding it as if it were a baby.

  “It was a gift from the Japanese,” Luke explained.

  She looked at the cherry blossom in her hand, then at her rose. “I have two, and you have none.”

  She put the cherry blossom in his hand, letting her hand linger on his for a while. “This is for you.”

  Luke laughed. “Thanks.”

  He clasped his hand over hers, and together, their hands formed a protective bubble around the flower.

  He had a sudden urge to impress her, but he didn‘t know what to say. Then, he remembered something from high school botany. “You know, the cherry blossom is a symbol of the fleeting nature of beauty and life,” he said.

  “It’s also a symbol of love,” she said.

  Out of the corner of his eye, he felt her staring at him. His cheeks turned as blood red as the sky.

  They sat there for a while, and watched as the sun dipped, painting bold tyrian purple streaks across the sky.

  Luke held her hand for so long that it felt like her hand had simply fused into his, the heat a byproduct.

  It was silent. The only sound was the occasional car rumbling by below.

  “Look at this,” she said suddenly, jolting him out of his tranquility. With her free hand, she traced a heart shape that was carved onto the wooden bench. She squinted at it. “I think I can just make it out.”

  Luke leaned into her, peering at the carving on the bench.

  JWC + JKB= Love Forever. The carved letters were surrounded by a big heart shape, etched boldly into the bench.

  She turned to him, and that crushing feeling in his chest overwhelmed him.

  “I’ve always wondered about these random people. They must love each other so much that they want to etch their names into public places. So what do you think happened to those people? You think they stayed together?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. Their hands were getting really sweaty, so he released his grip.

  “I do,” she announced. “They stayed together for the rest of their lives, and had lots and lots of babies.” She laughed, throwing her head back.

  He could not help but grin.

  She stared straight ahead at the stars, letting out a dreamy sigh. “Do you believe in true love?”

  Luke gazed at her, then remembered that she had asked him a question. “I do.” He paused. “Like I believe in the existence of the sun. Sure, it’s there, but I don’t think I’ll ever reach it.”

  “Why not?” She removed the elastic band tha
t held her hair in a ponytail. Alyssa’s long hair flowed all over her shoulders.

  “Because of the last girl I was with. Nina.”

  “Why’d she do?” She looked concerned.

  “We were together all the time. It was suffocating.”

  She said nothing.

  He looked over at her, and saw her flip her hair back once, then lick her lips. Those were the signs, weren’t they? he thought.

  A chilly breeze snaked past them, and they shivered at the same time. She edged closer to him, and he finally summoned the courage to put his arm around her. When she reciprocated by placing her head on his shoulder, the strange feeling in his chest was gone, replaced by a peaceful nothingness, as though he were on anti-anxiety drugs.

  As Luke caressed the cherry blossom with his free hand, he looked at the view. Apart from the occasional car, the highway below was empty. The lights from the cities and the stars blended into each other, so that he couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.

  She turned to him. “You like the view?”

  He shrugged. “It could be nicer.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I’ve never been someone that stops and smells the flowers.”

  She nodded. “That’s too bad.”

  What did she mean by that? Luke wondered.

  They didn’t say anything for a while.

  He liked that they were comfortable in silence with each other. He always felt he had to say something witty on first dates, or do things that he didn’t normally do, just to impress the girls. It was so fake. It made him sick to do them.

  When the silence dragged on long enough, he said, “So you’re a teacher and a nurse? How does that work?”

  “Pediatric nurse,” she corrected. “I work part-time at both.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I can’t get enough of taking care of people, especially kids. It makes me feel so needed. And special.”

  Alyssa took her head off his shoulder, and gave him a knowing look. “But I bet I work nowhere near the hours you do.”

  “I don’t work that hard,” he said, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

  “Come on now, Luke. You’re an investment banker. You must live at the office.”

  “I do not,” he said with a flirty grin. “But if I do, then maybe that’s why I need a change.”

  He looked over at the girl, the moonlight illuminating her flushed face.

  Before he could chicken out, he leaned in, and massaged her lips with his. Her lips were soft and moist. Her breath smelled like fresh spring strawberries.

  He kissed her as though he were starving. She returned the kiss with such intensity that he was surprised.

  He felt as though his weight were vanishing, as though he were an astronaut floating in space, in another world.

  He allowed himself to be overtaken by the kiss. There in the moonlight, surrounded by the cool Autumn breeze, under the cherry blossom tree, he surrendered himself willingly and completely, releasing years of pent-up frustration and passion.

  * * * * *

  Chapter 3

  Two months later…

  The Strait of Georgia stretched out in front of the ferry as it chugged along. In the weak winter sunlight, the body of water shimmered a cobalt blue.

  Luke and Alyssa were seated at a table outside, in their own little corner, the wind whipping their hairs. They were going to spend a few days in a sea-side resort on Vancouver Island, in their own little cabin.

  Luke had his laptop turned on, looking at the website of the Bank of British Columbia, his newest client.

  Alyssa was leafing through the magazine Kids, Education, Parenting.

  She looked up suddenly. “I want three kids,” she declared. “Twins. Fraternal twins. A boy and a girl. And then another girl.”

  Luke nodded, without taking his eyes away from the screen. “K.”

  “Luke, are you even listening to me?”

  He still didn’t look up. “Of course I am, Lissie.”

  She gave him a cold stare, and he finally looked up.

  The chilly wind made a foray into the space between them, and she closed her eyes to keep it out.

  It was sunny, yet it was cold. The weak sun on the frosty deck seemed like a contradiction to him, just like how someone as wonderful as Alyssa would go away with him. It made no sense at all.

  He looked at her and thought how lucky he was that someone like her would go away with him.

  Luke decided to give a little ground.

  He pointed to his screen. “This is the most important client of my career. If I can help them acquire smaller banks, I will make Junior Manager, just like that.” He snapped his fingers.

  “But what about us?” she asked.

  “We’re fine,” he replied, in a tone that sounded defensive, even to him. He tried again. “We’re fine,” he said, this time more evenly.

  “It’s not every day that you’re on a ferry crossing the beautiful ocean. Shouldn’t you at least take some time to relax?”

  He was concentrating so hard on the words on the website that he barely heard her.

  Alyssa waited, then nudged his arm.

  Luke finally looked up from his laptop at his girlfriend. She was looking at him expectedly.

  “Sure, in a little while.” He continued to work. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her shaking her head.

  A while later, their private sanctuary was invaded when a noise came from behind them. He turned around. It was a middle-aged couple, followed by five kids, all screaming and laughing.

  Luke and Alyssa watched as the toddlers raced onto the tiny, self-contained playground just beside them. They hollered and cried as they threw sand at one another, swung on the monkey bars, and argued over who would go down the slide first.

  One of them, a little blonde girl with a ponytail, came over to the couple.

  Alyssa made cooing faces at her, while Luke grimaced, then wiped it off his face before she saw.

  Fortunately for him, Alyssa’s attention was focused entire on the child. “You’re just so adorable. What’s your name, sweetie?”

  “Tanya,” the little girl answered, then smiled. “Look, I got braces.” She pointed to her mouth, indeed revealing braces.

  Alyssa turned to her boyfriend. “Isn’t she so cute, Luke?”

  “Oh yeah, for sure,” he said, sure that he sounded completely insincere. He turned back to his laptop.

  The little girl tugged on his pants. “Hey, mister. Did you see my braces?”

  “Yes I did. It was very nice.”

  The girl tugged harder. “Mister, you didn’t look.”

  “Yes. I said it was very nice,” Luke snapped, the volume of his voice rising.

  Both the little girl and Alyssa stared at him, shocked expressions on their faces.

  Luke looked up and saw that the little girl was nearly in tears, her mouth pouting, her face in tantrum mode.

  The girl’s mother came over, apologizing profusely. “Sorry for disturbing you,” she said to Luke. She turned to her child. “Come along now. Don’t bother the nice couple.” Then, they were gone.

  Alyssa crossed her arms. “Luke. What was that?” she said, her voice calm.

  “I don’t know,” he said, and meant it. “It’s just the stress. I mean, I really want the Junior Manager position.”

  “Why?” she asked, her eyes narrowing.

  “I just want it,” Luke replied.

  She said nothing, but he knew by her expression that his answer was unsatisfactory.

  He sighed, and tried again. “It’s for us too. I want us to be financially stable.”

  “Us? But we’re not married. We haven’t even moved in together. Financially, I’m doing just fine for myself.”

  He took her hand and looked her in the eye. “Why don’t we? Let’s do it.”

  Like a rapid cat that escaped through a trapdoor, the words rushed out before he cou
ld stop himself.

  He didn’t know why he had said it. To please her? He wanted to move the relationship forward, but a part of him was absolutely terrified.

  The wind had become more savage, pounding against their faces. She squinted then, and he could barely see her eyes.

  When the wind subsided, he could see the excitement on her face. She smiled, and nodded. “Mkay. You really want to move in together?”

  Luke nodded. “Yes.”

  This was it. They were taking the next step forward. To Luke, the feeling was like the moment on a bridge just before bungee-jumping down.

  He squeezed her hand, banishing the anxiety to a far-off island in the Strait of Georgia. “Yes.”

  Just then, The PA system announced that they had arrived. He could see land and a port in the near distance.

  Luke peered at the port in Nanaimo. He had never been to Vancouver Island before. He had never gone away with a girl before. And he had never lived with a girl before.

  The boat lurched forward all of a sudden.

  But, since they were still clinging to each other, they managed to stand steady.

  * * * * *

  By the time they reached the Westerlea Resort in Qualicum Beach, it was already dark. They checked into their suite, Unit #1, with the key that was left for them by the co-owner Patrick. A note accompanied it: Welcome to the Westerlea, a place of magic, seaside, and quiet. Patrick.

  The resort was a townhouse facing the ocean. Their unit was small, consisting of a conjoining kitchen and living room, and a queen-sized bedroom in the back.

  Luke heaved all their luggage in the bedroom, and collapsed onto the couch.

  Alyssa hauled the groceries onto the tiny kitchen counter, and took out some vegetables.

  “Come help me make dinner. I’m thinking teriyaki chicken tonight.”

  She then took out carrots, celery and broccoli and started washing them in the sink.

  Luke stood up, and walked up to her. “What should I do?”

  “Cut these carrots into little pieces. Julienne.”

  He took a knife and began cutting. As he chopped, he snuck a peak at his girlfriend’s profile. She was in a simple maroon apron, her hair in a ponytail, hanging down her back. She was concentrating hard on separating broccoli crowns from the stems. She struck him as the kind of girl who had no idea of her own beauty.